We live in an interesting country where talking about sex and public displays of affection are frowned upon and yet with a population of over 1.2 billion people it is a bit obvious that Indians are having a lot of sex. According to “Indian culture”, sex is a sacred union between husband and wife and most conservative families think, or at least hope that if they never mention that little three letter word, then their children will never indulge in the same, as teenagers and young adults. Regardless of the reality, most parents are happy to believe that their children are entering into marriage as pure virgins but this being the 21st century there is a good chance that they are not.
Be it the influence of Western culture or just basic biological urges, more and more teens and young adults are indulging in pre-marital sex but no one ever talks about it. Emotional and physical attraction between opposite sexes is completely natural, relationships develop and in the due course of time sexual intimacy comes along as a natural progression of the relationship. Unfortunately, as is often the case with young love, it sometimes doesn’t last. People breakup, move on, grow up and soon find themselves marrying a completely different person for that first love they lost their virginity to.
You’re going to get married, you’re going to have sex with your new spouse, he or she might be able to tell that you are not a virgin, should you open up and be honest about your past relationship? But this is India; nobody talks about sex, so how does one broach the topic?
How does one initiate a sex conversation?
As the age old adage goes; honesty is the best policy. Being open and honest about one’s sexual past to your prospective spouse could prove a good move in preventing misunderstandings and problems post the wedding. Here are a few tips to help initiate a conversation about sex:
- Get to know your partner well – Before you get married, you need to get to know your future spouse, their likes and dislikes, the things you have in common and the things you don’t, their hope and dreams, etc. Once this bond has been created, having honest conversations about sex become a lot easier especially if you can gauge how your partner will react beforehand
- Get help – If you do not feel comfortable talking about sex to your partner, first of all, work on that but in the meantime you could get a friend of yours or a friend of your partner to do the talking for you. Once the “dirty work” has been done and the reaction received, then you can step in and add any other explanation you feel necessary
- Get professional help – If you feel that you need to address the issue more seriously, it might be a good idea to involve a trained professional like a pre-marital counsellor to help discuss your past sex life with your present partner.
As an adult and as one mature enough to enter into marriage, one should not let their upbringing determine every aspect of their life and make the decision to have an adult conversation.